Breakups = Nonevent Shakeups

20 Oct

We have two and a half more months till we say goodbye to the 6 Universal Year, according to Numerology.  And with each year, it has its own characteristics.  But what I think intrigues me most about the 6 Universal Year is that it’s often associated with bringing about breakups.  You could say it’s “the breakup year.”   And honestly, I have seen my fair share of breakups the last nine months.  From January on, I’ve seen countless romantic couples calling it quits week after week; I’ve talked to many people who have had to end close friendships.  I know that I had to “break up” with a job back in April that was no longer serving me, in addition to an agent I was working with up until recently.  It’s been a year of ending relationships on all fronts that no longer serve us or that were initially built on rocky foundations.  And like anyone knows, along with a breakup, comes drama.

Unless, of course, if it’s a nonevent.  And according to life coach Schuyler Manhattan, it is.

man woman hands holding broken heart


I’m sitting in a coffee shop with Schuyler months ago and he casually mentions this in between sentences, as if it’s not completely contradictory, mind-blowing information.  “A breakup is a nonevent,” he tells me.  I’m mid-sip.  I stop.  I stare.  I’m completely struck with what I’m hearing.  This can’t be correct.  Breakups are definite marks on your timeline of life.  Hell, breakups can stop time in and of themselves.  While I’m not exactly sure what a “nonevent” is, I’m pretty positive a breakup IS an event.  It’s a pretty huge event.  “Wait, wait, wait — what?”  I stop him and he explains.

“If you believe that everything that happens to you in the world is for your highest good, then bad events don’t happen ‘to’ you, rather it’s the Divine’s way of working ‘through’ to you,” Schuyler tells me.  “Our life experience alone causes the requests that we are emitting emotionally and through our thoughts, which are vibrations we emanate. The Universe responds through the crack of least resistance.”

The Universe responds through the crack of least resistance.

“Okay, well, that could be true when you’re the one that initiates the breakup,” I tell him.  “But what about when you’re the one being broken up with?  That’s an event.  That’s a calamity.  That’s what sends people to the Self-Help section at bookstores and go off the deep end altogether.” When I say this, I immediately think of a wedding I went to recently where a young woman at my table somewhat drunkenly told me a 20-minute story of how she was completely blindsided by a recent breakup with a younger guy she was dating.  Her pain and confusion was palpable.  I explain her situation to Schuyler as an example.  “What about people like her?” I ask him.

Unknown“Sometimes this crack of least resistance shows up in what at first seems like an unfortunate circumstance (e.g., a breakup), but is really the necessary step to manifest the accumulative desire (your new, evolved soulmate). And so, whilst you might not have had the awareness to call off a relationship that wasn’t truly a match to you on the deepest level, sometimes our divine team works *through* others (e.g., our lover) to take the necessary actions for our best interest that we were unlikely to take.”

My mind is blown.  I look out the window.  A nonevent — who knew?

Schuyler’s wisdom has stayed with me since that conversation, but so have two other realizations I’ve come to about breakups this year.  I couldn’t help but think about the first and only time I’ve ever been fired from a job.  I was living in LA just after undergrad and working at a very dysfunctional music management company in Hollywood.  I was miserable; people yelled at me all day.  I dreaded waking up, I dreaded going to work.  After four months in, I began to plan my exit strategy.  When I returned to LA after the holidays, I would put in my two weeks.

Turns out, I never had to, as I was let go just before I left.  “It’s just not working out for us, and we know it’s not working out for you,” they told me.  I left with a severance check and drove home in shock.  How insane of me to think that everything was fine on their end and it was chaos on mine.  Doesn’t the same apply to romantic relationships, too?  Even though my friend at that wedding was blindsided, in a way, if she was really honest with herself, wasn’t the relationship also not working for her, too?

Breakups set you free from parasitic and commensalistic relationships.

My second and last observation about breakups is best explained through a conversation I had not too long ago with a good friend who lives on the West Coast, who, for the past decade has had an on again, off again tumultuous relationship with her boyfriend.  They’ve broken up several times over the course of ten years; they argue all the time, they complain about each other to friends behind their back.  Earlier this year, they had a very public and vitriolic temporary breakup that was about as dramatic as they get.  Dreading to know the answer, I ask her how things around going and she tells me, “I’m really lonely.  I don’t really laugh anymore.  I can’t be myself around him and I don’t know what to do.”  Um, hello — words like this usually only lead to one logical conclusion, right?  I take a breath and I muster from somewhere deep inside me, advice I’ve never given anyone before.

“Maybe you’ve just been waiting for a peaceful way to end this relationship.  Maybe the lesson here is about your exit; you both have tried time and time again to leave one another, usually amongst a lot of drama, and it’s always resulted in getting back together, yet that then is shortly followed by unhappiness.  You’re just going in this cycle.  Maybe this relationship needs to end in a quiet, peaceful way; maybe what you both need is a soft and gentle passing of you two as a couple, nothing loud, nothing crazy, in order to finally put this relationship to rest.”

Breakups, I believe, are best served as gentle passings.  And while some may be more dramatic than others, I do think it helps to view them, ultimately, as Schuyler notes, as nonevents.  It’s as if what we’re being asked to do is take a turn on a highway we didn’t anticipate, and while it may be jarring and not the route we had initially planned, it’s really a better way to get to that eventual destination.


West Texas Highway

One Response to “Breakups = Nonevent Shakeups”

  1. Drew, what a wonderful post! Beautifully written; insightful. Thank you for the mention and the content. Way to go!!!! I love your personal story and that you had the courage to channel what spirit was saying to you and guide your friend with that powerful reflection. You surely know how to keep us on our toes when you write.

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